October issue of Adoptive Families

I have a very short article on the October print issue of Adoptive Families Magazine about taking my daughter back to the hospital where she was born for a tour. I was fortunate to interview the always stellar Micky Duxbury, a family counselor and author of Making Room in Our Hearts, a book which is a must-have for anyone living or wondering about open adoption.

Visiting the hospital with my daughter was an important part of helping her take ownership of her birth and adoption story. It gave her confidence in understanding and making sense of her beginnings in a very profound way and helped uncover some concerns that she needed us to address. I hope you’ll check out the story and see what you think.

Comments 4

  1. I read it yesterday and really enjoyed it. It was nice to see how the hospital rep really worked hard to show Madison everything she needed to see. If we ever get to visit with my little man’s birthfamily I will try and see if I can arrange a tour like this.

  2. I enjoyed your article in the October issue of AF. I think my daughter and I are there now…we drive by “her” hosptial every day now that she is in a new school. We will be taking a tour of our own very soon! My question is, however, a little different. My daughter’s birth mother also kept a son, two years after Olivia was born. I am having great difficulty explaining to my daughter why her birth mother placed HER and didn’t place this new baby; why she “gave away” one and chose to keep another, as my daughter says. We do have an open adoption and Olivia does see her 2 half sisters, birth grandparents and birth mother all year long. Her half brother has since passed away from SIDS but the questions from Olivia still remain.

  3. Hi Jill — I’m sorry that your daughter’s birth mom lost her son. What a difficult and complicated situation.

    My daughter definitely still struggles to understand why she was not kept when her brother was and she uses the exact same language your daughter does. We have talked at length about the changes in her birth mom’s circumstances and she understands that intellectually but emotionally this will always be a hard thing to comprehend. I believe that making this make sense to her is not my job but being there in love and sympathy as she works to make sense of it herself is. I know that we as parents want to shield our children from pain but sometimes pain is inevitable and all we can do is comfort them and shore them up to deal with it.

    I have noticed though that the more room I give my daughter to feel sad or angry about her adoption, the stronger her confidence grows and the more resilient she becomes. Have faith that even though you can’t protect her from this that you can give her the loving support she needs to blossom.

  4. Hi Dawn,
    Just wanted to thank you for writing about your hospital visit. My 4-year-old son is fascinated by the photos we have of him in the hospital nursery before he came home with us. I don’t think it would ever have occurred to me to arrange a hospital tour until reading your article. I just contacted our hospital social worker and am so excited by the possibility of this visit!

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