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The secret to loving yourself

loving yourselfYouTube cut off the very first line of this clip and the first line is:

“You’re always telling me to love myself…”

OK, got it? Good.

Here’s the setup. That’s Rae (the young woman who starts the clip) and that’s Dr. Kester, her therapist. That’s all you need to know.

Now watch the clip, which is from My Mad Fat Diary (a UK show that’s pretty terrific). Remember the first line is, “You’re always telling me to love myself…”

Powerful, eh? This is something I’ve talked about with clients before and when I saw this episode I felt like it did a great job of illustrating this epiphany.

You are still who you were way back when. You still deserve kindness.

(The show looks like it’s available on YouTube — both seasons. If you came of age in the 90s you might like it especially since it takes place in 1996.)

Inspiration from Orlando

pride heartI heard this news story on the way to the All Adoption Meeting last night and waited in the parking lot of the Karl Road library to catch the end. It’s an interview with someone who was at the Pulse club in Orlando but left just before the shootings started. When he woke up the next day and heard what happened, he volunteered to be a translator between the authorities and the victim’s families. What he had to say was inspiring. His name is Eddie Meltzer and I encourage you to listen to the interview or read the transcript. My favorite part is this exchange at the end (Ari Shapiro is the interviewer):

MELTZER: Five and one acquaintance that was injured. I just got word that he’s doing really well in the hospital after surgery, so that’s happy news.

SHAPIRO: The first time you see him, what are you going to say?

MELTZER: I’ll ask him, when are we going out again? That’s what I’ll say.

SHAPIRO: (Laughter).

MELTZER: That’s what I’ll say. I’ll say, when are we going to go have martinis again?

SHAPIRO: There are going to be people listening somewhere in America who will hear that and say, what are you, crazy?

MELTZER: No, I’m not crazy. I’m just not going to subscribe to fear. We’re a strong community. You know, we’re gay men. We don’t – we live in a world where we get a lot of hate. We take a lot of hate. And we know how the world feels about us. And we’re strong people because we live in a world that wasn’t made for us. And if tomorrow somebody took over this country and said, we’re going to kill all the gays, I will be the first one in that square saying, shoot me with my big flag all over the place because I would rather die for what I stand for. You can kill me. I’m an idea, I’m timeless.


This beautiful video was making the rounds a few years ago. This is something I am unlikely to ever see in person and I feel lucky that I get to see it here and I am thankful for all the beauty in the world, the seen and the unseen. For those of you celebrating, I hope you have a lovely time. For those of you facing hard times, may this day land easily.

Murmuration from Islands & Rivers on Vimeo.

Digging in the Dirt

Peter Gabriel’s song, Digging in the Dirt, from his album Us is based on his experiences in therapy.

This is a live version of his song and I’m sharing it because the original video of the song, (which I’ll link to here) can freak out people who don’t like creepy-crawlies. I do think the original video does a good job of showing how when we are in pain, we often lash out at the people around us.

If you do watch the original, I’m curious — do you think the little boy he burns by pouring the coffee wrong is himself? Or is it the way he hurt his own children before he got help? (In interviews, Gabriel has confirmed that one reason he went into therapy is that he was struggling in his relationship with at least one of his daughters, describing himself as a “weekend father” who should have been more involved. Perhaps the therapy worked since his daughter toured with him as this video shows.)

I’m digging in the dirt
To find the places I got hurt
Open up the places I got hurt

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