I think that even if we never ever ever breathe an unasked for word about our kids’ birth parents that our collective unconsciousness is already, in some ways, defining our own position as parents to our children.
There should be room for ambivalence in adoption, in abortion, in infertility, in mothering.
At our All Adoption Meetings there has been so much value in hearing the voices of people who are living across the life span of adoption.
“Pia could see herself standing in front of the class holding the [self-portrait] upside down. How foolish she had felt! Then she remembered Mrs. Lavelle pointing out the negative space behind her hair. It made her think of her father, the part of her life that was not here, but still defined her.”
My article on adoption disruption and dissolution is up at Brain Child (and of course on newsstands now): When we adopted our daughter, Madison, six years ago, the judge was clear. Legally, adoption bound our daughter to our family as if she had been born to us. She would have the same rights as our biological son. We owed her …